The things you don’t say out loud

So many times as a parent to extra special little’s, you’re forced to feel a lot of things without sharing them aloud. Either saying them makes them real or people aren’t ready to handle the fears and insecurities of your life so you don’t talk about it.

The biggest thing is that you’re not alone. You’ve joined a group, tribe, family of people who did not pick this path but were handed it because they are the strongest of the strong.

You are not alone.

You knew it was coming but you’re still heartbroken with the diagnosis.

You have to go through the 7 stages of grief in 24 hours.

You have to be strong on the outside while falling apart inside.

You cry in private, at night, into your pillow so that your kids don’t see your pain. Your worry. Your fears.

You watch all the hopes and dreams you had for your child die a small death before they’re shaped into new hopes and dreams.

You cannot explain those feelings to anyone.

You see the stares your child gets because they’re different and you want to punch people in the face.

You refuse to hide from said people.

Your child has a “hidden” illness that isn’t seen in public but at home requires hours of care to give that perception.

Your family is supportive and helpful but can’t fully comprehend your life because they don’t live it every day.

Your family is unsupportive and judgmental because your child is different and they just don’t get it.

Your blindside by a diagnosis because there was no family history.

You ask why me.

You’re envious of those people who have “normal” kids. How easy their life must be.

You know that your child will have to live with you forever.

You’re angry at the world when you see your child struggle.

You yell a lot. At your kids. At therapists. At doctors. At life.

You feel angry all the time.

You feel life isn’t fare.

You sometimes think that had you known you would never have had kids.

You decide not to have more kids because the risks are too high.

You’re tired of the looks of sympathy you get.

You don’t want to get another call from the school.

You can’t have a 9-5 job easily because there are always calls.

You cry a lot.

You worry a lot.

You know that no matter how hard it all is, these special little’s you’ve been given are worth every tear, every shout, every worry, everything that is thrown at you. That you were given these kids for a purpose and that they will do extraordinary things.

You just have to get through the ordinary.

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